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Published on January 30th, 2014 | by Richard Black

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Playdates, Threesomes and My 19th Century Mindset

Being a stay at home father I’m in a difficult position and not one that takes place in the back of a VW Bug.

Darcy bears the brunt of my affliction.  Being an introvert and goal oriented man I pick up my daughter from school with the expectation of doing just that. I don’t chat much with her teachers or the mothers waiting to pick up their own children. Picking up or dropping off Darcy is something I’d always taken to be an in and out process and as long as I ended up with my daughter at the end of the day I thought I was doing well.

Unfortunately there are other issues at stake.  Schmoozing with the other parents turns out to be an important factor in who your child hangs out with in preschool.

In my daughter’s class there are eight children. Three boys who have decided that girls are “gross”, an opinion I can wholeheartedly support after seeing the birth of my child so I cant blame them there.

The rest of the group consists of two sets of girls, both of which have apparently bonded like Gorilla Glue to each other which leaves Darcy as the odd girl out which is, in common parlance, a motherfucker.

The other girls have paired off because of proximity . They all live close together in the same neighborhood and Darcy does not.  Combine my crabby old man facade and the fact that the classroom teacher is overwhelmed we have a situation where my daughter is left to her own devices and is miserable.

Darcy loves to play with other kids her age, even other kids who aren’t her age, and the past few weeks I’ve picked her up from school she claims that she hasn’t played with anyone.

Thank God for my wife.

After watching Darcy bounce around the room for a few minutes, she struck up a conversation with another mom and set up a play date with one of the other girls.

I’ve thought about it many times, inviting someone’s wife over to my house or a neutral location but it always sounds shady, even creepy no matter how I phrase the offer. Call me crazy but I’ve always felt that asking a mother and her daughter to come over to my home for a play date is on par with asking a woman to have a threesome minus one.

No matter how innocently the request is phrased it always sounds like an implicit come on to have sex.

“Our kids get along really well. Why don’t you and your daughter come on over for a few hours. We just got the Calico Critters Mansion and, while the kids tool around downstairs, let me show you the bedroom.”

My sense of decorum, apparently, is more suited towards the manners one would have in the late 19th century when all women were accompanied with an escort to be certain that there was no impropriety.

My wife has assured me that my overtures for a play date wouldn’t be taken as a blatant attempt at infidelity many times. Still I’m not so sure and, to be honest, it’s something of a blow to my ego that another woman wouldn’t consider my offer to come over to my home and not even think about the prospect of physical contact.

I’d never do it you understand, or attempt to “do her” to be more precise.

Still it would be nice to be noticed.


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