Holding Forth no image

Published on March 18th, 2014 | by Richard Black


…and Thank You For Spamming

I’d like to thank everyone out there in the world wide web for reading but I’d also like to give a special shout out to the spammers.

As some of my more observant readers may have noticed I don’t post comments. This is in no way due to the fact that I don’t receive many legitimate comments, have a dearth of readers, or have yet to figure out the nuances of the backend of this site.

Let’s face it. I could spend an hour or two reading posts in chatrooms about banning spammers and posting comments or continue to enlighten the public at large with my various witticisms.

The other, and more pertinent reason I don’t post comments, is that there are just so many worthy causes to address. To be honest I didn’t feel as if my response should be limited to one or two strings. Why limit the audience and deprive my countless number of readers from the pleasure of my thoughts? And so for your reading pleasure, and the edification of the spammers, here we go.

For all those concerned about my site’s searchability, thank you for noticing that I have not made my site optimally searchworthy. I would point out that you have found me without much trouble at all. While I would dearly love to have three million followers on Facebook I’m somewhat dubious of your claims. When I get around to adding metatags and keywords please know that you will be the last person I would ever contact.

All relatives of an African Prince. I am sorry that your cousin/father/brother/post op tranny wife has fallen upon hard times. While I appreciate the investment opportunity I’m not clear on precisely how my contribution of $1499 will alleviate the situation. I encourage you to contact/bribe the local authorities or come up with a scam  that has an outside chance of fooling a retarded sixty seven year old shut in with four hundred cats in 1996.

To all those who are offering VI@GR@  at ch$$p prices I appreciate your concern about my failure to achieve an erection. For the record it only happened once and I’d had a lot to drink. On a related note please let me know if my wife gave you this address. I’ve been under quite a bit of stress lately, not that it’s anyone’s business.

For those who feel compelled to advertise in a language that is not English please attempt to find a translation. I appreciate the international attention but my Dutch, Japanese, Mandarin and Esperanto isn’t up to snuff these days. It’s really just common courtesy. I wouldn’t blast your site with twenty solicitations about “happy Joy FUN FUN TIME!!! LOVE the dog sense pleasure me SITE!!!” Find a decent translator and know that I have reported you to the authorities for bestiality.

Finally, as a man of advancing years I’m not immune to the charms of an occasional come on but please target your audience. I am happily married but even if I weren’t I have no need for a “Super dog dirty anus double plus bonus bonus”, a “young Vietnamese hairy cat wink wink” or a “hot Ukrainian labia extra cheap.”

As always thank you for reading and please keep spamming.

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