Holding Forth

Published on November 19th, 2014 | by Richard Black


When Targeted Marketing Goes Horribly Awry, A Plea for Big Brother to Step Up and Get it Right


Decisions. Decisions.

After a long day of…well doing whatever I do to keep body and soul together I thought I’d watch a little TV. I figured that with a few thousand channels on the tube and the fact that AT&T has been keeping a running tally of everything anyone  has every seen on our television for the past ten years that there might be something on.

It turns out that I was wrong.

Call me crazy I’ve but always thought that one of the fringe benefits of having Big Brother around is that he’d be a bit better at telling me what I wanted to watch. Don’t get me wrong I’m concerned about my turkey neck and I’m more than a little interested in what sex after menopause might be like but I do have a few other interests.

I kid of course I don’t have many interests.

All I ask is that Big Brother steps it up between now and the time the President of the United States/AT&T has the power to dictate what we should be enjoying on the television. Until that distant day is it too much to ask for an infomercial that reflects my family’s viewing habits? Granted I wouldn’t be a fan of watching vampires rehabbing a home or a “Where are They Now?” piece on the My Little Ponies but I would consider it to be progress of some sort.

Of course by the time targeted marketing really comes into its own I’ll be watching  infomercials like “How to Correct Your Prolapsed Cervix with a Leaf Blower” or  “Penis Enlargement for the Incontinent”  because I won’t know any better. I’ll most likely be in coma at that point, lying in a bed,with a Nielson Premier Election voting box ported directly into my brain as I stare vacantly at the screen and the floating heads of Richard Nixon and Jesse Jackson debate healthcare reform.

It will be a meager existence but given my comatose state I might be in a more conducive mindset to appreciate it all.

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