Published on September 29th, 2015 | by Richard Black1
Where Does the Time Go? (Prelude)
Where does the time go? That’s not a rhetorical question by the way. If you have an answer please let me know. I’d always thought that I’d have a surplus of free time once my daughter began school full time. Apparently a lot of other people thought so as well.
Darcy’s only been in school for three weeks and I’ve quickly seen my child free day shrink from seven hours to about fifteen minutes. I had things to do damnit. Other than fixing the “work” our former contractor has bequeathed to my family I’ve got a half acre land that hasn’t been tended to since the first Bush administration. In addition to lead, pantry moths, and lice I’m now dealing with a variety of English Ivy that can grow about fifty yards a day. Unchecked it may soon take over the block and the city will probably succumb to its relentless advance by the end of the year. I’m not sure if this qualifies as a national emergency but I’m thinking about asking FEMA for some help.
Aside from my duties at home I also held out the hope that I’d be able to devote more time to expanding my massive media empire by writing, promoting and soliciting you for funds (please send address checks to Unfit Father. Don’t worry about filling in the amount. I’ll just write it in based upon how wealthy your name looks). That time however is sadly still regulated to the hours of about nine in the evening until whenever I pass out from exhaustion and leave a nonsensical string of letters after my head hits the keyboard. Asdf;ljkdsfas;d;o;wpejwe
Sorry it looks like I nodded off there. I’d delete it but I feel another spell of exhaustion coming on and would like to finish writing before I have another episode.
It turns out that there really is quite a lot to do for a parent with a child in school. I’ve now got books to remind my daughter to return to the library the day after they were due, clothing of the appropriate color to wrestle her into whether she likes it or not, and a few hundred thousand other opportunities to forget and cause my daughter lasting emotional damage.
“WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WEAR YELLOW THAT DAY!!!” I can hear Darcy sobbing to her therapist some twenty years hence.
The fun doesn’t end there. Why would it? Other than cooking and cleaning and all of the other things required of a stay at home dad I can generally expect to spend the majority of my time in one, or all, of the following four activities: Homework, Meals, Volunteering and Email.
Unfortunately that’s all I’ve got right now. Thank you for reading. I hope you can join me for the next installment in this self serving series when I tackle the difficulties involved when getting a five year old to do her homeworkkjhgnaefmlljmasdfjuhadsf.